This is it. Don't get scared now.

Four days until my hearing for my name change.

This is it. Don't get scared now.

Terms of Surrender

I was talking with a friend earlier today regarding my transitional experiences and levels of support. Both have been astoundingly positive, with the exception of one thing which irks me. I have spoken to a few trans individuals that have tried to define the terms of my 'transness' or what I have to do to become a woman, in a dictatorial fashion.

To those:
Fuck you. I will do as I please when I fucking please. You probably have not known me long enough to realize that I don't care what anybody thinks of me. My sense of self is greater than most will ever know. I am who I am, not a generic feminine transsexual ideal. See me as Ashley or some trans abomination. See me as an individual and not some crony to fall in line at the back of your wolf pack. See. Me.

April 11th: Judgement Day

My name change papers have been filed and barring any setbacks I will legally become Ashley Alexandria on April 11th!

May 1st, 2012 - Its On!

As of now, May 1st is set as the date that I will arrive at work as a woman! Full time from that point forward! Aaaaaaahhhhh excited!

One small step towards vag, one giant leap for Ashleykind

I came out at work yesterday. It was the most nerve racking thing I have ever done. The HR manager jumped up and hugged me, which felt good. Everybody was real positive about it and supportive. It felt good, but I was shaking during the whole thing. So scary to finally do it. It is not officially public knowledge yet, but it will be soon. Scary and very exciting at the same time!

Girls Night

Today I had some female friends over for a girls afternoon/night thing. This was my first appearance as Ashley to any of my friends. It went really really really well. Just a really good time, and it felt great to be the real me in front of them. They totally accepted me as a girl, which was fantastic. I can never thank them enough.

And I was looking pretty damn hot, so thats another plus.

Level 2-1: Hormone Zone

My hormone prescription has been increased by 50%. Current testosterone count is in the 170s, while estrogen is around 100. Original testosterone count was I believe 370-400, somewhere in there. I suspected the original prescription was low, so this is not surprising. Oh well, I am seeing results and that makes me happy regardless.

Naming Conventions and Fractured Dimensions: Breakin' a Sweat

A number of random thoughts:

1. Apparently NOBODY likes Ashley as my name. The most common response: "Every Ashley I have ever known has been a bitch". Not good. I don't want people to think I am a bitch before they even meet me! Meet me first, THEN realize that I am a bitch. The only other name I am keen on is Brook. Thoughts?

2. I also broke my finger last week, which has hampered any hopes of dressing or wearing makeup. Putting on clothes is a PAIN IN THE ASS. Actually just about everything is a pain right now, but putting my hand into a sleeve is the absolute worst.

3. This past weekend I met a trans friend for lunch and had a blast. I think she had a good time too, so that's pretty darn amazing. She is about to start HRT(hormone replacement therapy) too and I am so proud of her. It is never easy to get to that step. I have talked to her partner a few times and she seems pretty positive and even railed against my wife for leaving me. Impressive!

4. I went to my doctor to have my hormone levels checked and they provided me a "safe passage" letter, which apparently I can use to have my name and gender changed on my drivers license! They also provided me with forms that I can use to change my name without paying the normal fees! This saves me like $500! So happy! :)

5. The inevitable 'coming out' at work has me terrified. It won't be for a while, but it scares the shit out of me. :(

6. Maybe its the vag inside of me, but I CANNOT stop listening to this: