Naming Conventions and Fractured Dimensions: Breakin' a Sweat

A number of random thoughts:

1. Apparently NOBODY likes Ashley as my name. The most common response: "Every Ashley I have ever known has been a bitch". Not good. I don't want people to think I am a bitch before they even meet me! Meet me first, THEN realize that I am a bitch. The only other name I am keen on is Brook. Thoughts?

2. I also broke my finger last week, which has hampered any hopes of dressing or wearing makeup. Putting on clothes is a PAIN IN THE ASS. Actually just about everything is a pain right now, but putting my hand into a sleeve is the absolute worst.

3. This past weekend I met a trans friend for lunch and had a blast. I think she had a good time too, so that's pretty darn amazing. She is about to start HRT(hormone replacement therapy) too and I am so proud of her. It is never easy to get to that step. I have talked to her partner a few times and she seems pretty positive and even railed against my wife for leaving me. Impressive!

4. I went to my doctor to have my hormone levels checked and they provided me a "safe passage" letter, which apparently I can use to have my name and gender changed on my drivers license! They also provided me with forms that I can use to change my name without paying the normal fees! This saves me like $500! So happy! :)

5. The inevitable 'coming out' at work has me terrified. It won't be for a while, but it scares the shit out of me. :(

6. Maybe its the vag inside of me, but I CANNOT stop listening to this:

Adventures in Makeup

I think I am done using powder. No matter which one I try my face looks disgusting. Foundation ftw! Fuck you, Bare Minerals.

I have to go very minimal on the makeup it seems, or I look I am made of sand.

Bonded by Ice Cream

Thanks to Ben and Jerry's, I have met an awesome girl on the interwebz. She is in a similar situation as me, and has a few shared experiences with regards to our transitions. It always feels amazing to meet other people in this situation, but I feel like we've really bonded and I'm super excited! Yay!

Back on top!

Seriously. Best. Friends. Ever.

You are all amazing. Thank you for all your love and support. I can't even describe how much you all mean to me. I feel so needy and everybody has been there for me throughout my mood swings. Going through puberty a second time certainly wears on you.

Thank you all!

Doubting myself again

I am starting to feel conflicted again. I am entering a middle ground between male and female now. My boobs are starting to become somewhat noticeable. Sometimes I just don't feel feminine at all. Sometimes I don't feel masculine at all. I feel...like an alien or something. I just want to feel normal again :(

Fore!

It feels like I have golf balls growing underneath my nipples. Are boobs actually just giant cysts?

Consultation with Dr. Steve Brule