My Balls and You: The Definitive Guide

My testicles.  I don't hate them.  I don't hate my penis.  Do I want them?  Not particularly, but if I'm stuck with them, so be it.  Not a big deal, as there is more to being a woman than oft-covered genitalia.  My therapist has suggested that this makes me "genderqueer" or "bigendered", but thats a bunch of BS.  I'm just realistic about the costs of surgery.  Do you have $25,000 just lying around?  I sure don't. 

I remember thinking around age 14 that somehow a second puberty would start and my boobs and hips would grow.  This distance led to extreme discomfort, especially in P.E..Changing clothes around what I perceived as the opposite sex was terrifying.  Fuck...and having to wear little speedo swimsuits during the swim portion.  Just about killed me.  Not really...but it certainly sucked.

Sex for me has never been what others seem to experience.  Penile/Vaginal intercourse feels good, but not THAT good.  Wearing a condom?  May as well turn over and go to sleep because there definitely won't be any pleasure there.  I have never found myself thinking about what I would do to someone.  I may say "oh man I want to bang her", but what I'm thinking inside is "I hope she's aggressive in the sack, because I can't be and obtain any enjoyment out of it." 

I also cannot stand people touching my testicles.  My body enters a state of panic when another persons hands enter the Testes Zone. I always thought this was just some weird thing about me, but am realizing this was probably the first severe physical manifestation of gender dysphoria.  These same panic-y feelings are what I had been experiencing prior to seeking a therapist.  That subconscious reinforcement that I have the physical body of a male.  I hate it.