"I'm declaring war! What am I declaring war on? Stress! Stress is a disease, people, and I am the cure. I'm a doctor with a cure. No I'm not. I'm a general and it's still a war. A war on disease! ....Stress!"
-Denholm Reynholm
Maximum stress. It's waning, but for the last few weeks my levels of stress have been as high as they have ever been. After a few calm days, I am feeling much better. My transition has definitely been a big source of stress.
I keep asking myself, "Have I done X? Do I need to do Y? I need to work on Z as well." Many of these items are related to a 'being feminine enough to be a woman.' or 'being lady-like' or whatever. Somewhere I lost my way worrying about this too much. Women come in all shapes and sizes with different styles of dress and different attitudes towards life. I remembered today that I don't have to change who I am inside. If I end up being a tomboy, so be it. My goal should not be to become a perfect angel. There is a feminine side to me that I don't show many people which will probably surface more and more, but there is no reason for me to stress myself out over bras and shoes right now. I can be Joan Jett if I want and there's nothing wrong with that.
Over the last few weeks, when I had lost sight of all this, I lost myself. My faint cries for help were heard by many, and literally 30+ people showed me support in my greatest time of need. For this, I am thankful. I have the best friends ever!
"Am I Ashley, or Rob?" -- I kept asking myself this. The answer is, I am me and my name does not matter. I need to be myself. Now come to me, my delicious Estradiol.
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